Black Swan...

There’s something particularly affecting about the blurring of the boundary between what’s real and what’s not. About feeling your own sense of balance start to slip, about witnessing the erosion of your own self assuredness and the rise of fears and doubts that before would have seemed patently unreasonable, but now carry an inexplicable weight that can fall so heavily across your chest. 

Excuse my verbosity, but I know I’ve been there, and I assume many of you have too. 

In fiction, such descents into madness have a rich history. In the pitiable likes of Shakespeare’s Ophelia and Lady Macbeth, to those of A Street Car Named Desire’s faded southern belle Blanche DuBois and the protagonist Sylvia Plath so vividly crafted in the The Bell Jar, ¹ it’s clear that if we witness where such people began, it can make it all the more where tragic when we see where they end up.²

I think it’s safe to say we can add Black Swan’s Nina Sayers to the list. 

Natalie Portman’s turn as Nina is astounding. She is the heart of the film, as the viewer experiences her journey toward the opening of her ballet company’s production of Swan Lake alongside her descent into nightmarish fervor. 

In a way, Black Swan moves into the area of the unreliable narrator, a story telling device in which it is unclear what is happening and what is not, whether what you are seeing can be trusted, or whether it is simply some kind of dream or hallucination. 

This is a plot device that can prove disastrous if badly used, but here it is used expertly. In the tradition of Jacob’s Ladder, a film quite similar in structure to Black Swan, this blurred line of the real and unreal proves to be the main drive of the film and produces all aspects of it that could be called horror.

Really, I would say it is fair to call this a horror movie. It fits into other genres as well of course, and though it lacks a ton of blood and gore, I think it will be accepted by horror fans. 

Darren Aronofsky is a brilliant director. Requiem for a Dream is one of all time favourite movies, and Black Swan matches Requiem, if not exceeds it. The camera work is stunning, the production values are there, the performances are stellar, and the whole flow of the movie is so well conceived and visceral so as to almost unfold like a dream. 

That really is a thought that keeps come back to me. Black Swan really is probably the most dreamlike film I have ever seen. Equal parts dream and nightmare I suppose, both in content and mode of story telling. In a good way, too. It really evoked the kind of feeling in me that comes when you wake up from a nightmare and are so grateful that what transpired in your head did not truly transpire, but was only a dream. 

The whole experience proved quite affecting for me. The scariest parts for me centered around Nina’s mother. That has something to do with my own personal history but I think others will feel the same way I did about this aspect of the story too. 

I can assure you I’m not talking about one particularly disconcerting scene toward the beginning of the film involving Nina’s mother, but I can’t say more really without ruining it. If you’re curious about what I’m talking about here, ask me after you’ve seen the movie.

And do go see it. It’s one of those movies that people will talk about, not just because of the awards buzz surrounding it or its sex scenes, but because it is an emotionally affecting, intriguing and disturbing journey the likes of which movie goers don’t often get to experience. 

It is a film too, that is open for various interpretations. It as much a story of personal struggle as it is of sexual awakening. It is one woman’s nightmare as much as it is her self realization.

I try to avoid spoilers, and I think I usually do a pretty good job of it, but I feel that last part may have been a bit much. Whatever, I didn’t reveal anything more than was revealed in the first trailer. 

There are small things I suppose I could point out--little horror movie cliches, particularly involving the film’s use of mirrors--but they are easily swept away by the film as a whole. 

And as someone with a history of and appreciation for dance, this movie proved quite aesthetically pleasing. The dancing is filmed brilliantly and I really do admire Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and the rest of the cast for the effort they put into their roles. 

From the rehearsals, to a particularly evocative strobing club dance scene, to the final performance, it was all quite splendidly filmed and made me slightly nostalgic for my younger years. 

Anyhow, go see this film. An instruction worth repeating. Best dream I’ve had in a while. Or best film I’ve seen in a while? I’m getting confused.

Anyway, I give this film 4.75 out of 5, feathered, bleeding and hang-nailed stuck thumbs up for totally engrossing me in a nightmarish journey to a place I’m not quite sure of. 

xoxo

D-bag

¹The Bell Jar is quite the novel and its protagonist Esther Greenwood’s descent into what could be called madness is widely believed to parallel author Sylvia Plath’s own. Tragically, Plath killed herself a month after the novel’s first publication. 

²Interesting that all of the characters I was able to think of were women, as is Black Swan’s Nina. I hope this observation has been explored more thoroughly by others than it has been here. 

Dead models are hot???

So, I'm not the biggest Kanye fan. I just don't really dig his music and generally have a slight distaste for such egotistical megalomaniacs, but I do love the horror genre. And I love when it gets more exposure in the mainstream.

So, we will see, but I may have to respect this.

I do, however, enjoy Nicki Minaj who is featured in this video.

Not really a fan of the latest Ludacris track she's in, though I do enjoy her verses. 

It's going down, basement.

Friday the 13th, guess who's playing Jason? 

Tuck yourself in you better hold onto your teddy,

It's Nightmare on Elm Street and guess who's playing Freddy??

Granted these are pretty easy lines and you might say a cheap pull at a horror enthusiast's heart, but her delivery and performance are just so good. From those fiercely present yet vacant eyes to the expressions on her face, I buy it.

Skip to 2:10 for Nicki's part.  

XOXO

D-bag

Evidence...

Y'all know how I feel about the handicam genre. If you don't, I like it. If done well, the first person perspective can just provide such a visceral experience that really can't be replicated by anything else.

Needless to say then, that I find this trailer for an upcoming indie flick called Evidence intriguing.




Granted, some may argue that this is not only a tire concept but a tired genre of filmmaking, or that we could just have another Blair Witch clone on our hands. But I would point to Quarantine, Cloverfield and The Last Exorcism, all solid handicam films I thoroughly enjoyed.

Anyhow, it looks to me like some kind of Yeti is after them. And Yetis are always fun. And possibly scary.

Not to mention the scene shown in the trailer from about 0:40 on is. Anything could be in those trees. ANYTHING. Creeps me out just thinking about it.

Whose to say when this film will find a distributor and see the light of day, but something to keep a lens trained on.

XOXO

D-bag

Skyline

Not a horror, not even much of a sci-fi, but not on purpose.  I really haven’t much to say of Skyline.  It was a major disappointment to have spent money to see this, as I at least expected it to be a big picture, big sound kind of movie.  This review is short and fits with how little actually happens.

Firstly, the dialogue was uninspired.  I cringed with just about every spoken line.  The characters were written to be a vapid bunch of rich assholes and I’m willing to bet not very relatable to the majority of the audience.  Who’s going to give a shit about the survival of a group like this?

We find out pretty quickly that Turk (Donald Faison) from Scrubs plays one of the main roles.  Yes, I love Turk, but hasn’t he only starred in television series?  I was uneasy when he appeared on screen, and rightfully so.  Turk should play Turk.  His character in Skyline did not even offer any comic relief. 

In fact, one thing I may have been able to tolerate of this movie was a little comic relief, but the dialogue purposely offered none.

I found that this movie didn’t offer much of anything.  There were no scares, there were no tense scenes, no gore whatsoever.  In turn of this, and in addition to the god-awful character personalities, I was not once concerned with the well-being of these people.

We find these tiresome characters to be stuck in some condo together, and they don’t move much from there.  The plot is found to be much like Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds”.   Strange aircraft has settled above the city of Los Angeles and the destruction of humankind ensues.  The only difference is the people find themselves oddly drawn to the light that these machines and/or creatures give off, making it a little more difficult to escape.  This difference was not done in any interesting way whatsoever.  It’s just something that was true of their situation and caused them a little bit of discomfort sometimes.

Maybe right now you’re thinking, “Well, hey, I’m sure the effects make up for some of this garbage.”, but you’re wrong.  The effects were sub par, seemingly low-budget, often hazy or blurred, or blocked out by blinding lights and viewed from a distance.  Like I said, I thought that this was going to be at least a big picture, big sound movie.  Imagine my dissatisfaction.

I also regret to inform that the ‘jarring visual’ of the helpless bodies being drawn into the sky that may have looked somewhat promising to my coblogger D-Bag in his trailer review was really the be all end all, but like I said, the effects were lackluster and this visual did not do much of anything for this movie.

Just when you think it couldn’t possibly get worse, the final scene is quite absurd and leaves the viewer groaning, “Really?”.

After watching this, I’m not sure that much of anything actually happened here.  I hope this movie was as cheaply made as it was cheap in every other aspect.

I bloody well hope you don’t waste your time on this one.

XOXO

K-Reel

WTF cat fight...

But see for yourselves.

Now, what the hell is going on here? Is this how cats always fight?

This scene has so much going for it... the crows flying around, the crazy catrobatics. Just overall, a nasty and vicious three against one throw down to the death. I almost feel bad for watching this but like what the fuck, this puts most movie fights I have ever seen to shame.

I can only imagine what happened next, but surely one of those four creatures didn't make it out alive.

The score is really key here too, so I thank whoever put this together.

I am content, as always, in the knowledge that I am not a good person.

XOXO

D-bag

Red Riding Hood...

  

As many of you know, there's a part of me that will probably never evolve beyond the mentality of a fourteen year old girl. And right now, that teenage girl inside me is quivering with excitement. 

Here's the trailer for Red Riding Hood:

Granted this looks like it could actually be a slight retuning of Twilight. Some of the shots look like they were lifted right out of that movie. Same director, so why not stick with what gets tweens wet, right? It worked on me.

And ever since Mean Girls, that teenage girl inside me has loved Amanda Seyfried, and that love only grew deeper with her delightful turn in the hugely underrated Jennifer's Body. She has dramatic chops, and though I have nothing against Kristen Stewart, she ain't no Amanda, that's for sure.

The trailer is quite nicely put together, and the shots suggest a nice aesthetic to me, so my hopes are pretty high right now.

Not too mention the near timelessness of the subject matter. This story has been passed down for hundreds of years and a fresh take with a bunch of fresh faces just might prove to be good. Also, depending on who's telling the story, the grotesquery of the tale varies, with some versions even having our little Red unwittingly cannibalizing her own grandmother.

So, they could take this in any number of directions. I do hope the love story elements don't drag the thing down though, but we'll see.

What this trailer looks like to me is a little bit of Twilight with a dash of Sleepy Hollow thrown in. Intriguing to say the least.

I just hope I don't cream my little red tween panties before March!

XOXO

D-bag

The Walking Dead: Guts....

 

The Walking Dead

Episode 2: Guts

Let me start by saying that I was more impressed with the first episode than my co-blogger, K-reel, was. From the moment I was introduced to Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes, I liked him. The character development that played out over the episode only made me like him more.

His reactions to the situation he found himself in were quite believable and really served to humanize him for me. In the fear and disgust that flashed across his face as he encountered his first walkers and the pathos he obviously felt for the things, he really came across as a good man. Somebody I wished could be my dad, even.

And that I think, is one of The Walking Dead’s greatest strengths: that it is more a show about humans with zombies in it than it is a show about zombies with humans thrown in. There were several moments in the premier episode where I felt my heart being wrenched in my chest, they were so emotionally affecting. I won’t ruin them here, but really, you should all at least watch the first episode and see for yourselves.

From the moment Rick awoke in the hospital, the nightmarish world of the walking dead was painted so viscerally across the screen that I found myself drawn in and believing everything that was happening. The fact that this show has dramatic gravitas is what makes it so distinct in the genre, I think.

Though I like zombie action, with people running around, jumping off walls and butterfly kicking zombies in the head a la Resident Evil, I like real emotion too. And in a way, this show combines a little bit of both elements. Minus the flying kicks. At least, so far.

So, now that I’ve established I’m a fan of this show, let’s talk about its second episode, Guts. Spoilers follow, though I will try to limit them.

Guts takes up where Days Gone By left off, with Rick in a fair amount of trouble. He escapes, and hooks up with some other survivors. Tensions escalate within the group and we see that the walkers aren’t the only monsters here.

The mean, vicious side of human kind rears its ugly head and its just the kind of thing I think is going to happen when the zombie apocalypse arrives. People won’t be united, we’ll be just as divided as we were before, only now we’ll all be even more indignant because we’ll all have lost friends and family and will be waiting for the next time we have to kill something.

People who were assholes before are still going to be assholes, and you’re really going to have to be careful who you choose to travel with. I’d recommend staying away from large groups because of this fact, unless of course through some miraculous twist of fate you can stay with people you already know and trust.

Because as the world gets harder and more cut throat, people will too. We’ll all have to learn how to survive and that will inevitably lead to us all becoming more cruel. So, I’d say stick with as few people as you can. No more than five, that’s for sure.

Everybody’s going to be competing for limited resources, so the fewer people you have to divide yours up with the better. That is until you establish your own commune, a defended utopia where you will begin to rebuild the world. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Anyways, back to the show.

As we continue to learn more about the survivors, the intricacies of their relationships begin to come to light and we start to get a sense of who they were before all of this happened. Likable or not, the characters here are vivid and full of life.

Rick of course, remains the moral compass of the show and it’s particularly interesting to see how his views on society change in a scene played out in the department store he finds himself trapped in with the other the survivors

The stand out among the other survivors introduced in this episode is quite obviously Glenn. And he is quite likable too, a nice sidekick to Rick. I always admire those who don’t bitch when it’s their turn to put themselves on the line for the group and Glenn really has his turn here. I hope that this will be the kind of person I will be when the dead begin to walk the earth.

There is a reason that this episode is called Guts, and let me just say it is pretty sweet. And by sweet I mean disgusting, excuse my somewhat twisted sensibilities. The survivors do something I’ve read about in zombie fiction before, but it really is quite different to see in live action.

Let’s just say it involves a little bit of dress up, and a lot of pulverizing.

As the episode draws to a close, the show’s two separate storylines grow closer to intersecting. This will provide quite a lot more human drama, though plagued of course, by the used-to-be-human drama provided by the constant threat of a walker taking a bite out of you.

Catch episode three, Tell It to the Frogs, tonight on AMC. Or stream it later!

XOXO

D-bag

Monsters...

I really do have to give writer/director/cinematographer Gareth Edwards huge props for creating a beautifully shot, intricate film such as this on such a low budget.

Edwards wrote, directed and created all of the special effects for this indie sci-fi outing about a world where a space probe collecting samples of extraterrestrial life breaks apart during reentry over Mexico, resulting in the introduction of alien life on Earth and the quarantining of half of Mexico itself.

Jump ahead six years after that fateful event, and that’s where the main drive of the story lies: in two Americans trying to find their way back home through the infected zone.

And this film really is quite beautiful. The locations and the actors and the framing of the shots really are incredible. Edwards really has an eye for cinematography and the sense of proximity and journeying he creates here really made me feel as though I was alongside the two leads, journeying through the rubble of a place that is becoming more alien with each passing day.

The main characters are likable and much of the supporting cast was drawn from locals, resulting in a kind of authenticity that is hard to come by in cinema today. The special effects are astonishing for a film shot for just about half a million dollars, and though some elements come across as obviously computer generated, they fit into the scope of the situation well enough.

This movie though, is not scary. Or even all that exciting. It’s as much a road movie as it is a love story, and though the love story elements are well done and I found myself caring about the two leads and the journey they are embarking on, I was left wanting more tension, more violence, greater chaos and upheaval.

But that’s just my own sensibilities clouding what is otherwise a very well made and lucid film.

The extraterrestrials here are never all that threatening or frightening, instead they are used more as a catalyst that necessitates the journey through the infected zone that the two leads end up taking.

The aliens are not malicious, they are framed here as wild creatures who have happened upon a world they don’t fit into, which is a very intriguing idea in its own right. Though not really a good fit if you’re looking for a wild or scary ride.

If you are willing to look past that though, there is a great story here with some socio-political commentary thrown in. It also boasts a clever ending that will leave you second guessing what you’ve just seen.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. Though it really isn’t a movie about monsters at all, but about the effect they gave on a world and a people who don’t know what to do with them.

I give this film three out of five bio-luminescent, road wary thumbs up for being so seamless in its execution and doing something different than your average sci-fi film: creating a believable world where the monsters may not be who or what you think they are.

XOXO

D-Bag

Zone 261...

So, here's a trailer for an upcoming Swedish zombie film.


ZONE 261 - Trailer from ZON 261 on Vimeo.

Interesting to say the least. The zombies seem to be a cross between the runners pioneered in the wake of 28 Days Later and the intelligent pseudo zombies of the later Resident Evil games, as they seem to be able to wield weapons.

Apparently, the film is as much about xenophobia and immigrant-native tensions as it is about zombies. I didn't see any of that here, but hey, who knows!

The effects are obviously digitally painted on, but they look good enough. The fact that there are four survivors and the circling camera angle is very reminiscent of the trailers for the Left 4 Dead series, particularly the second entry--which is an amazing game by the way.



All similarities aside, I really love me some melee action. And from the pipes and bars the characters grab here, I hope we can at least look forward to some good old fashioned zombie clobbering.

Side note, when the zombie apocalypse happens, always have a good melee weapon with you. Meaning something to beat things off with. Like a crow bar, for example. No real need to aim, just swing batter-batter and you're likely to hit something and force those teeth away from you. Also, if you're in a hurry, you can always just use your melee weapon to cripple the zombies and make it so they can't pursue you.

With stabbing weapons there's a greater risk of blood splatter, which means a greater risk of contamination. Humans are fleshy and full of bones, so there's also a chance your bladed weapon will get stuck in the zombie and you won't be able to get it back out. Not that bladed weapons aren't useful, but make sure to keep a melee weapon too. Bash and run, that's what I always say!

Back to the trailer. As many of you know, I am a sucker for strong female characters and the look on the lead girl's face here when the horde shows up leads me to believe she is just the kind of hard bitch I like.


Also, how quickly is the little zombie girl becoming a cliché? I mean really, they're popping up everywhere these days.

xoxo

D-bag

The Walking Dead: "Days Gone Bye"

Apologies to all (5 or so of you), as I’ve been off the radar for some time, due to my move to Korea.  I’ve been busy, with almost no time to fully contribute here at The Stuck Thumb.  I haven’t had much time to seek out things that spark my interest enough to write about, to be honest, but I’ll spare you the gory (I fucking hate puns) details, and get at this.

The Walking Dead.  I’m going to reiterate just how long I’ve been waiting for a television series dedicated to zombies.  In consequence of this wait plus a few months more, after I viewed the trailer, I may have had high expectations for this pilot.  In all honesty, I think that maybe nothing could have matched these expectations.  My expectations are likely just unrealistic.

Now, I’m not saying this pilot isn’t worth a watch, because it absolutely is!  I genuinely enjoyed watching this episode.  I’ll say in advance to this post, I’m going to reveal a lot about what’s going on in this episode.  You’ve been warned.

The opening scene is of the utmost importance.  Here, we see the main character pull up in a police car to overturned and abandoned vehicles.  We know what’s up.  Among these abandoned vehicles, we see abandoned toys that reveal to us children have likely been killed and/or turned, we see a rotting corpse in a car, we see an abandoned gas station.  All of the go-to creepy elements.  We hear some shuffling as the protagonist investigates the area.  The shuffling leads us to a little girl.  Though we immediately know she is what is later referred to as “a walker”, it isn’t made completely obvious until she turns around.  Before this happens, the main character identifies himself to her as a policeman and that she should not be afraid.

The fact that this character is in full uniform is something I find kind of ironic, and dare I say satirical.  The fact that all authority goes out the window in the case of an apocalypse, makes this guy look like kind of a moron.  Maybe it’s the only thing he feels he’s got going at this point, maybe he’s still in denial, who knows.  When it comes down to it, no one’s going to listen to a damn word this jackass in the police uniform says.  This uniform will not mean anything to zombies, nor will it mean anything to the living.  I’m unsure if this was done on purpose by the writers.  Either way, he shoots this fucking zombie kid in the head.  Has the commonly used zombie child tactic lost most of its’ shock-value in this day and age?  I can’t be certain, but I think it was a solid opener for this series.

We backtrack a few weeks? A few months?  The time lapse is not revealed.  We see what happens to this character, his coma, his trek home when he awakes.  We see some pretty gory stuff, including half of a corpse dragging itself along the grass with its’ spilled intestines dragging along behind.  This is where I felt they were going to take the series seriously enough.

You can’t half-ass this zombie shit.  Zombie films do not typically include sex, so you’ve gotta jam-pack it with gore and violence to get the viewers.  It’s a bit more of a challenge.  Many of these vampire movies and television series will use sex as a ploy.  Vampires are sexy now?  When/why the fuck?  Maybe a bit of a cheap move?  That’s another story.

So, this man awakes, learns of his surroundings, and has gotta learn to hold his own against this breed.  A man and a boy he meets let him practice in their front yard.  Something I wanted to make note of during his practice session was the brief appearance and use of a hard, transparent face mask while beating in a zombie head.  Now, this is something very practical that I haven’t thought of using before.  Along with open wounds, and I feel this is just as important, one should be careful of the eyes and mouth.  If any infected blood gets in there, you’re just as fucked.  Sure, it’s not often where writers will avoid a full on zombie attack to infect someone through mouth or eyes, but it certainly happens.  Don’t you remember? That’s how the father died in “28 Days Later” - a small drop of infected blood in his eye.  Imagine dying that way when the zombie apocalypse actually hits.  Embarrassing.

Anyway, back to the plot.  We find that this character has left behind a family.  A wife and a son.  Nearing the end of the episode, we find the protagonist convinced his family is alive.  Clothing drawers are empty, they’ve packed items of sentimental value.  He parts with his company and sets off on a mission to find them, like almost any other person would do, sure.  What I’m uneasy about is the fact that the audience finds his wife and child to be alive AND that he’s almost made contact through radio with them.  Chances of these people being alive would be slim.  Chances of contacting, or rather stumbling across these people again would be even slimmer.  Adding to this situation, we find the wife to be involved with another man.  This makes things even more complicated, and I’m maybe a little nervous this series will turn out a little more dramatic than need be. 

Maybe my problem is that the writers didn’t build a relationship for viewers to see between these characters before the apocalypse.  I don’t give a shit if they find each other, to be honest, and I’m betting the majority of the viewers feel similar.  One thing I respected about - and my apologies for constant comparisons to - “28 Days Later” is that they didn’t make it about the protagonist searching for anyone of importance to him, aside from his parents in the very beginning whom we find have committed suicide anyway.  The plot of the movie was based almost entirely on the protagonists’ survival along with the small group of people he met on the way.  Well, hey, that seems more realistic.

Anyhow, I’ll leave you with those thoughts.  Overall, I am intrigued to see how the next few episodes turn out.  Maybe you’ll hear more from me on this as the season progresses.

XOXO

(It’s about bloody time) K-Reel

Project begins filming in Ottawa...

So, a film called The Day began filming here in town today. It sounds kind of like a rip off of TV's 24, but the film follows an ensemble cast for twenty four hours as they face an apocalyptic type threat.

Keep an eye out for genre veterans, including:

Lost's Dominic Monaghan:



Shannyn Sossaman (Catacombs, One Missed Call)

Ashley Bell (The Last Exorcism)

and Canada's own Shawn Ashmore (The Ruins, Frozen)

Be vigilant, Ottawans! I want to hear about sightings!

XOXO

D-bag

Bloody mess on Ottawa sidewalk...

This is what I see as I'm walking to work at 6:30am this morning. Right at the corner of Percy and Gladstone, this bloody mess. I wanted to take a video but there wasn't enough light. This picture is with flash even.

This stain was more or less the size of a human torso and seemingly, still fresh when I passed by. Unfortunately I had to get off to slave for Dov Charney so I couldn't stay to investigate. I usually encounter at least a few police cruisers parked outside Elgin Street Diner at that time in the morning and had wanted to tip them off to the exorbitant amount of blood staining the streets, but I didn't see anybody.

By the time I could make it back to my street, it was nearly 3:30pm and that huge stain had mysteriously disappeared. What was left, however, was a nearly 10 metre long trail of blood splatter leading down Percy towards my apartment.

Here's what that looked like in the daylight.

Now I'm no Dexter Morgan, but what I can tell you for sure is something went down here. Stab wound, gunshot, heavy flow, I really have no idea. There was nothing in the news or on the Ottawa Police website.

But let's just say I'm going to be looking over my shoulder a little more frequently now.

XOXO
D-bag

Better than special effects...

Someone better hurry up and cast AnnaLynne McCord of 90210 fame in a horror movie fast, because we really need to see her doing this more often.

I mean really, how many people can do this?

XOXO
D-Bag

Getting even more excited for Black Swan...

Because of this throwback promotional artwork. Very retro.

Black Swan follows newly minted prima ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) as she prepares for an upcoming production of Swan Lake. With the mounting pressure and the appearance of rival ballerina Lilly (Mila Kunis), Nina's grip on reality may just start becoming little loose.

I have very high expectations of this film. The first two posters are definitely my favourite.

Black Swan doesn't open in Ottawa until December. It's generating huge buzz already though.

XOXO

D-bag

Devil...

I saw Devil on its opening weekend but it is so uninspiring I wasn't sure I was going to review it.

But I decided to do so, just so you guys don't think I like everything I see.

This review will be short, because I prefer to write with a film fresh in my mind, but the idea of shortness fits in nicely with not only Devil's running time but the amount of thought that was put into it.


Here we go. Devilishly boring. A devil of a waste of time. But better the devil you know then the one you don't right? So, don't bother with this movie.

It's cheap, thoughtless blather. Like the filmmakers took the concept that M. Night Shymalan thought of, this one person in a an elevator not being who they appear to be, and then came up with the easiest, most mundane way of getting from start to finish.

The pacing in this movie is awful. We never stay with the people trapped in the elevator for long before cutting away to something else. There are no scares and there is no gore, it really is just cookie cutter bland filmmaking.

I feel bad saying this too, because director John Erick Dowdle helmed Quarantine, one of my all time favourite horror movies. As evidenced by that film, Dowdle knows how to have fun behind the camera. None of that is apparent in Devil. Everything significant that happens in the elevator happens in complete darkness, as the lights somehow go out anytime the devil wants them too. 

Granted, that's necessary not to reveal who the devil is, but it is also largely ineffective. There is no good use of sound effects, of screams or anything like that. Instead there is just gaspy dead air.

The plot and acting are also sub par. The eventual revelation about which of the characters is the devil cheapens events that transpired earlier in the film. Then things come together super nicely in a neat little package at the end. Simple. Unmoving. Not well thought out.

I wish the filmmakers had realized that the fact they needed a somewhat omniscient narrator to set up the story points to the low quality of their writing and script. 

The actors aren't helped by decent material and their performances range from cheesy to flat. I never cared about any of them and kind of wished the elevator would just drop and kill them all while somehow also knocking down the whole building.

 I give this film 0.5/5 boring, dried up stuck thumbs because it really is uninspired, lazy filmmaking.

Not worth seeing.

XOXO

D-Bag

Catfish...

First off, despite the tag attached to this post, this article is not a review.

The poster for Catfish warns you not to let anyone tell you what it is, so don't worry I won't. 

What I will do is tell you what it's not. Catfish is not a horror movie. Or a thriller. I'm not even sure that it's a documentary, as the people behind it claim. More on that a little later.

What it is a character study, a commentary on the modes of communication of our time. That's not a bad thing, but I feel as though this film has been misrepresented in the advertising campaign accompanying its release.

I debated even completing this post, but I figured other horror whores like myself might get tricked into seeing this film under the assumption it was a horror movie. I repeat, it is not a horror movie.

Apparently, it's a documentary. And the events that transpire are 100 per cent real. I don't fully believe that. Either way, the events of the film are easily predictable. There are countless people who engage in the kind of behaviour that transpires in Catfish.

There's nothing surprising about it. The heavily built up "last 40 minutes" of the film play out almost like an episode of Dr. Phil. You'll get what I mean if you see it.

All in all, this isn't a bad movie but it is definitely being misrepresented as a thriller, or as being of a Hitchcock-ian nature. I'm not going to review it, as this is a horror blog and again, Catfish is NOT a horror film. I just wanted to give all of you a heads up on what you're getting into if you go see it.

But go see Buried instead.

XOXO
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Let Me In...

Let Me In almost doesn’t even feel like a horror movie. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all, though. It’s just that its traditional horror elements aren’t what’s on show here. They’re the backdrop in front of which a very intimate, very character driven story unfolds.

Just like Romeo and Juliet, which the film references somewhat heavy handedly, Abby’s vampirism is a barrier in the way of her and young Owen’s relationship, what makes the two’s path together star-crossed, as it were.

Abby’s need for blood is not the focus here though, it acts to drive the plot but never overtakes it. Quite refreshing in today’s horror climate.

 Not surprising then, that this is not an original Hollywood screenplay. Let Me In is a remake of the 2008 Swedish film Let the Right One In, which is an adaptation of a Swedish novel published by John Ajvide Lindqvist in 2004.

Its difficult to talk about Let Me In without talking about its European predecessor, but I will try to isolate such comparison to a single section that follows my discussion of the newer film.

So, Let Me In. A very appropriate title, both metaphorically and in terms of one of the film’s recurring motifs.

Twelve-year old Owen—played spectacularly by The Road’s Kodi Smit-McPhee—is a troubled youngster, dealing with a fractured home life and constant, appalling bullying at school.

You really do feel for the boy. Smit-McPhee plays the role with an earnestness and gravity that feels very authentic as he deals with that awkward, prepubescent time we all remember. Probably not so fondly either, I would wager.

Chloë Moretz also delivers an intricate, astounding performance as Abby, Owen’s new neighbour. Arriving barefoot in the snow after sundown one night with her “father” in tow and moving into the apartment next Owen’s, for all appearances Abby is a normal girl. Obviously though, she’s not.

From their first meeting at a play structure in the courtyard in front of their apartment building, the film is at its strongest when the Owen and Abby are sitting on those metal bars out there in the darkness of the night, with snow all around them.

Their interaction is so genuine, so real and intimate, that it almost feels strange to witness it. The two really do play their roles so well it seemed like I was intruding on some kind of private moment shared by two lonely people. I find it very rare for a film relationship to come across as so real, but theirs does. It really is something you have to experience to understand.

As their relationship progresses, it never looses any of that realness, never feels any less genuine, even as it becomes clear that Abby isn’t your average twelve-year old girl.

The film really is aptly titled. It plays doubly on the part of vampire lore that requires them to be invited in to someone’s home and at the same time on the basic human notion of letting someone into your life, of spending time with them, telling them about your problems, of coming to trust and care about them.

Both Abby and Owen insist the other let invite them in, exposing a certain perception of equality between them that Owen seems to maintain even as he learns more about Abby’s condition.

And in this film Abby’s vampirism really is expressed as a condition. It’s not glamorous or sexy and Abby isn’t sadistic or overly cruel. It really is just something that sets her apart from Owen, from everyone, and keeps her from being able to make friends and live as a normal girl.

The film doesn’t hold back on any of the horrificness (yes, I’m coining this word) that Abby must engage in to survive. There’s plenty of blood. And she does have some of your typical clichéd, vampire characteristics: glowing eyes and mottled skin when she is feeding, superstrength and the ability to move jump around like a spider monkey.

This heavy handedness—this dumbing down of her vampireness to make it more accessible to your average North American film-goer—is probably my biggest complaint about it. But I will get into that more later.

The film is shot wonderfully and except for one weak scene using CGI flames, the effects are all top notch. The cinematography is great and the camerawork actually has some real moments of brilliance, most notably for me during one scene in which Owen is hiding under a table and slowly leans back into shadow.

Though the film lacks subtlety in Abby’s vampirism, it is subtle in other ways. Owen’s tumultuous home life is hammered home by a distant mother and fittingly, you never actually see her face throughout the entire film even though she is in it quite a bit. The motif of being let in never feels forced, and though I’ve talked about it a lot here, is a dominant but never overpowering underlying theme.

Owen and Abby don’t descend into whininess or come off as anything but real either. I have no idea how director Matt Reeves of Cloverfield fame managed to coax such astounding performances out of these young actors. They are truly talented.

Reeves himself has done something very difficult here. He’s made a horror film that actually works. He’s also remade a film without cheapening it or changing its primary message. He’s succeeded in making it accessible to a wider audience without lowering it by any means. I wouldn’t be surprised if it receives some nominations come awards season.

So, let’s get into a comparison of Let Me In and its Swedish predecessor Let the Right One In.

  

In a way, Let Me In lacks the subtlety, the finesse that made Let the Right One In so charming.

The vampire aspects of Let the Right One are better than the English version. I see why in this Hollywood version they felt they had to make Abby look inhuman when she is feeding in order to make her monstrousness more relatable to a wide audience, but the fact that they didn’t do this in the Swedish version with Eli (Abby’s character’s name in that film and the novel) was a better choice.

Though it doesn’t take away from the core relationship between Abby and Owen, or her believability as a character, it just really was not necessary. Let the Right One In shows far less of Eli’s vampiric abilities. There’s none of Abby’s spider monkeying around or any of that. This I feel, was also a far better way of going about things.

One of Let the Right One In’s strongest moments I felt, occurred on that play structure in the apartment courtyard. The play structure is much taller in that version and in one scene as Owen looks on, Eli leaps nimbly down from the top in a move that would surely turn a normal person’s ankle or break their leg.

There’s no overt mention of this jarring feat, the audience either picks up on it or they don’t. This scene illustrative of the subtlety found in Let the Right One In and not in the English version.

I prefer the Swedish film’s handling of Eli’s vampirism and ultimately I feel it makes her more menacing while keeping her and Oskar’s (Owen’s name in the Swedish film and novel) relationship more believable.

That’s not too disparage Let Me In, though. I understand why Reeves made the choices he did and they don’t tarnish the film. They just don’t allow certain parts of it to rise to the level achieved in the Swedish version.

Let the Right One suffered from certain pacing and story telling issues that were handled much better in the English version. To those who have seen the Swedish version, the cat lady’s story is much smaller and less central to the film in the American one. And lacking cats altogether, I might add.

I feel the choices in this area in the American version were very intelligent and I was happy to see they had cleaned up some of the issues I had with the Swedish film.

Bottom line, both are smart, emotionally affecting films. They are both good, too. I don’t think either is really better, though I connected more with the characters in the English version. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have a language bias though, and that I was far better to pick up on the intonation and delivery of their lines when spoken in English than I was when they were spoken in Swedish and I was reading subtitles.

Both films have interesting takes on vampire lore, including the need to be invited in and what happens if that invitation isn’t given, what happens when a vampire eats something other blood and a few other nice refreshing takes on your traditional vampire mythos. Again, I feel as though these aspects were handles better in the Swedish version, but were strong enough in the American version as well.

The heart of both these films lies in the same place; a snow covered courtyard with two kids sitting on a bare looking metal play structure.

I give this film, 4/5 cold, lifeless exsanguinated stuck thumbs because it has a lot of heart, even if that heart may no longer be beating.

XOXO

D-Bag

Tyra Banks will maim your face...

Tyra Banks is a monster. Yes, I watch America’s Next Top Model and the most recent episode has made me more afraid of Tyra than ever. And believe me, I was afraid before. I always knew bitch was crazy, but not this crazy.

Granted, she looks and talks like a psychopath. But what she’s done now is too much.

Tyra’s always taken too much pleasure in making over the show’s contestants. Whether it’s shaving their heads or stealing their eyebrows, she’s always tried to figure out just what will fuck with a poor girl the most and do it to her.

From her manic, megalomaniacal descriptions of these new “looks” to the girls, to her glassy, cow eyed glee upon their eventual unveilings, it’s obvious something is not quite right up in that forehead of hers.

But she took shit to the next level of horror this week, telling slightly gap-toothed 22 year old contestant Chelsey Hersey:

“We love your teeth, if you agree, we'd love to exaggerate that and take you a little bit more to Lauren Hutton.”

What she really meant was:

“I want to cut off some of your two front teeth to make your gap bigger. Partly because I am a sadistic psychopath, and partly because I want to see if you’ll actually let me do it.”

The most horrible part is Chelsey actually got the surgery, having her two front teeth filed/shaved/cut down by 0.25 millimeters to make the gap in her teeth wider! Why would anyone let something like that happen to them? How much would that hurt?

There’s a non embeddable video of this over on Jezebel too.You can watch it here.

This whole horrible, unsettling series of events has left me feeling so uncomfortable I can’t wait for Chelsey to get kicked off so I don’t have to think about her and her awful dental surgery ever again.

I can’t feel too bad for the girl, she agreed to do it. All I can do is look to Tyra and shudder. The fact that she feels justified in playing with a person like that, in using her perceived authority over those girls to manipulate one into such a horrid act of self-mutilation?  

That is some twisted psychological fuckery right there. Jigsaw of Saw fame would be proud, I’m sure. Obviously, Tyra has no concept of the consequences of her actions, no empathy for others and absolutely no moral conscience what so ever.

This suggests she is at least a sociopath, possibly even psychotic. Obviously she’d make a great horror movie villain.

 At least I can be content in the knowledge that she will die alone in her mansion, surrounded by the pictures of herself she plastered over every single surface.

And just to show you what Tyra is capable of and demonstrate rage, here's her flipping the fuck out at another contestant.

XOXO

D-bag

The Human Centipede...

There hasn’t been a concept that has really gotten under my skin more than the one put forward in The Human Centipede.

To be an unwilling participant in a bizarre medical experiment—drugged and cut open with the medical expertise that is supposed to be used to help you, but here leaves you horribly, gruesomely disfigured—there really isn’t anything worse I could think up.

And trust me, I’m glad my depravity has limits. I would be lying if I said Tom Six, this film’s writer and director, shared similar limits.

The Siamese triplet, a joining of three separate organisms via the gastric system, is an awful, awful idea. One apparently first conceived as Six would joke that criminals such as child molesters should have their mouths grafted to the ass of a fat trucker.

The idea comes full circle here as Dr. Heiter, world renowned separator of conjoined twins, conceives a new operation that brings together instead of cleaving apart: the human centipede, first sequence.

The film doesn’t waste much time jumping into this idea either, setting up Dr. Heiter and his victims pretty quickly as they move toward the inevitable surgery.

What does work here is Dr. Heiter himself. He is one of the most memorable villains I’ve seen in a long time. Physically frightening with a deep, booming German accent and obviously completely insane, he’s played rather very well by veteran actor Dieter Laser. Even if he is wearing Crocs for a lot of the movie.

From the moment he proclaims that he doesn’t like human beings, the audience as well as the frightened young girls he has sitting in his living room, know something bad is going to go down.

And surely it does.

This film is at its strongest when Dr. Heiter is involved. He seems to bring out the best in the film’s actors. Especially the two female leads, whose performances are pretty weak and almost laughable until the doctor takes them into his lair.

These poor girls do pull their weight when confronted with the awfulness of the situation they find themselves in, and they are at their best when they are screaming, crying and running away. There is a lot of crying, especially toward the end.

The film does boast a particularly good escape sequence towards the beginning though. I really found myself rooting for the girl and even when other people in the theatre got angry for taking what they took to be a foolish course of action, I admired her for her tenacity and selflessness.

The chase sequence ends with a proclamation so horrible on Dr. Heiter’s part regarding the positioning of the runner in the human centipede itself, I couldn’t help but laugh. Not because it was funny, but because I didn’t know what else to do.

On this note, the relationship between the two kidnapped American tourists does work well. There is a very effective recurring motif of holding hands that is so just so basic, so utterly human, that you really can’t help but feel for them.

The girl’s performances, though flawed toward the beginning, do humanize them and make you feel as though they are just two, normal people with the bad luck to be caught up in some sick, sick man’s psychotic fuckery. So for that, I can’t fault them.

The film employs language pretty well too. The head of the centipede, who enters the film toward the middle, can’t speak English and the girls don’t understand Japanese. The girls and the Japanese man don’t speak German either. It just takes the isolation they are all experiencing up a notch, whether it be because they can’t speak or because they can’t understand what is being spoken to them.

The centipede itself is very disgusting. I won’t go into all that much for one because I don’t want to think about it and also because that’s what is going to bring most of you into the theatre. I will say the effect works and you won’t be disappointed.

All in all, I would never see this movie again. It just isn’t any fun. And though there is one point of cathartic release toward the end, it just isn’t enough. It is well made and shot very nicely. There is some very eerie imagery as well as utterly unsettling subject matter but nothing groundbreaking or worth a second viewing.

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. It wasn’t as awful, as life scarring, as I had built itself up in my head to be, so for that I was grateful. And it is a film that I’m sure will live on in infamy for some time, so see it you have the chance and desire.

I argued with myself whether or not to say this, but yes, it is worth seeing. Once.

For being so disgusting and unpleasant, I give this film 1.5/5 sutured, surgically attached stuck thumbs.

XOXO

D-Bag

Saw 3D...

As much as I don't want to write about this trailer I will. Partly because Saw is the most commercially successful horror franchise of all time, partly because two of the series (Parts II and IV) are actually good, and partly because I've seen all of them.



You all know how I feel about 3D. Saw trailers usually suck too, but this one is kind of fun. Super cheesy, but fun. The traps from what I can tell seem to really capitalize on the medium and should I see this in a 3D theatre, it will be the first true 3D (ie. one filmed with 3D cameras and not post converted) film I'll have ever seen.

Anyhow, most horror enthusiasts I know are somewhat ambivalent about the Saw series. For me, the original is so bogged down in awful acting that I can't even watch it. The second is by far the strongest outing and has the best twist(s). Saw III was pretty bad, Saw IV redeemed the franchise, but the rest have all really, really sucked.

You have to hand it to a franchise that has managed to continue on after killing off not only it's main villain but everyone even tacitly related to the original story. The only surviving link is Jigsaw's ex-wife Jill and she's pretty boring. I for one don't care what was in her box or whether she's involved in his "work" or not.

But the franchise is unarguably prolific and it will be remembered not only for its grotesqueness and its twist endings, but also for ushering in the whole torture porn wave of films of the last decade. This installment is being billed as the last film of the franchise, so I will see it. I've seen all of them in theatres even, so I should go. I doubt this will actually be the last film, but I guess I'll let them pry more money out of my pocket.

What I do like about this trailer is the fact that finally one of the traps is going on in public. I think this is a great idea that could (but probably won't) lend some emotional weight to the scene. Seems to me that trap is a kind of see sawing circular saw (say that five times fast) which looks interesting, though I could be wrong.

Also, we are promised some kind of resolution to Jigsaw's plan. But the story itself is so convoluted I doubt anything meaningful will go on. Jigsaw is so far removed now that I doubt they could bring any meaningful resolution to his storyline and make a decent denouement to all that's gone on.

WTF moment of the trailer... Dr. Gordon is alive? I guess they figure bringing him back from the original film is somewhat fitting for this one. Carey Elwes is a horrendous actor though, so I kind of wish his character had died after sawing off his leg in the first film.

It does seem Jill is being set up to be killed by some whacked out cart thing, which might resolve some loose ends. I don't have high hopes though.

Side note, I'm excited to see which Scream Queen 2 girl got the part! Another reason to watch I guess. Also, if you noticed in the trailer, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park fame is in the car crushing parts. Weird.

File this in the "I know I shouldn't but will anyway" drawer.

XOXO

D-Bag

Inception cat...

"I CAN HAZ UR SOUL?"

Very Alfred Hitchock. We like. On this topic, and because it's late and I am overtired. Here are more horror related lolcats. Obviously, my lack of sleep makes me easily amused.

XOXO


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